Always Arriving, Never Arrived

Going to the beach is just what people in Alabama do over spring break. Strike that, it’s what people in half the country do over spring break. That’s why the typically small town of Gulf Shores, Alabama gets overrun by beach dwellers across both Alabama and other states. A colorful cornucopia of license plates trail the cars parked in constant bumper-to-bumper traffic. It comes down to a simple fact. What’s the closest white, sandy, and most importantly warm beach from Birmingham, Alabama? It’s Gulf Shores.


Yeah, it’s Gulf Shores, along with the other (even more popular) tourist-trap beach towns across the Florida-Alabama coastline.

No matter where you’re starting from, getting there is really all the same. Find the exit to I-65 South closest to your house, set your cruise control, and highway hypnosis your way all the way to the beach. No matter where you start, be it Montgomery, Alabama or Louisville, Kentucky, it will invariably take one day to get there. Google Maps may say you’ll arrive in three hours. Google Maps is wrong.

Spend a week doing the same things you could do at home, except on vastly overcrowded (and overpriced) beaches. Then come back on Sunday by, you guessed it, finding the closest exit to I-65 North and praying no hungover beach-dweller wrecks the entire interstate. But it doesn’t matter, because even if they did, it would still take a day to get back. It’s inevitable.

As a traveler, there’s always a sense that you’re getting close to your destination but you’re never quite there. And, given enough time to think while driving, you come to the same conclusion in your own life. You’re always arriving, but you’ve never really arrived.

Sure, there are days when you feel so close to who you want to be; to how you envisioned your life being when you were a child in a world with fewer responsibilities and more opportunities for fun and rest. But life always seems to afford precious few opportunities for contentment, and even those moments contain the most sobering reminders that you are, at your core, not completely the person you want to be.

The most deep-rooted of feelings are the ones that nobody cares to talk about. So society boils them down to trite cliches disguised as words of advice.

“It’s not the destination, it’s the journey.”
“Not all who wander are lost.”
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

Different people react to the frustration of never feeling self-actualized in different ways. Some are cruel, some are deeply antisocial, and some forcefully cling to a certain personality trait or skill which they think defines them. Really, what you have here is a case of the “human condition,” which, if you ask me, is yet another trite cliche which is lost it’s meaning long ago.

For lack of a better term, the human condition all comes down to this: between striving for financial success, dealing with frustrating family and friends, and being slightly too busy to fulfill all we’re capable of, we lose the parts of ourselves we’ve always dreamed of being.

This is a problem which may not have a solution. You may not ever be able to “have arrived,” but only ever experience the perpetual sense of “arriving.” However, it seems humanity favors those who actively try. There’s a romanticized notion for the travelers of the world; those who throw themselves into environments they are unfamiliar with in order to grow. And yet, people also admire the mentors, the teachers, and the public servants, who help individuals grow and become somebody important. Many of these people rarely leave their hometown, and yet they seem to have a more fulfilled heart than the ailing wanderer.

I’ve seen Ph.D. professors who are so frazzled and openly discontent with their lives that I feared they may fall apart on the spot at any moment. I’ve also seen custodians in the most humble of occupations who seem so content that I’d want to live in their shoes. And the reverse is true as well. So what gives? What is the common denominator?

What makes each of these people uniquely content? I don’t know. I have no facts to back up my claim, no testimonies to indicate commonality, and no psychological profiles to pull from for comparison. But I do have a sneaking suspicion I may know the answer.

These people know that they will never “have arrived.” They know they will always be “arriving.” They know that if they live on this earth a hundred years, a thousand years, or even a million years, that they will always be learning, aging, and maturing. They know that there is something to learn from everybody, and something everyone has to learn from you. They know they are imperfect, and freely admit that vulnerability to those who criticize them. These people are getting through life without ever taking life personally.

So, based on this new information, the information I obtained on my endless, not so endless drive to the beach and back, I think I’ll start by being humble, accepting what I don’t know, and always setting my mind to learning. I think maybe you, dear reader, should consider the same. After all, legend has it that it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey. Perhaps that expression is not so devoid of meaning after all.


My Valentine’s Day Playlist

Every year, I cook a romantic dinner with Nikki. This year is no different, and it’s how we’re celebrating Valentine’s Day. What breaks the silence and tinnitus better than music? Most of the time I use Spotify to play sweet love songs that are meaningful to our relationship, but this year is going to be a little different.

Gone are the lyrics, I’m aiming for a much more ethereal experience this year. I’m going to light my salt lamp and several candles, and turn on music that helps inspire focus. This will help guide the conversations, and help us communicate with one another on a deeper level. There’s nothing that guides very real emotions to the surface better than music tinged with nostalgia and thought.

Because I’m awesome (okay, maybe not awesome), I’m going to link the Spotify playlist below. Use it for whatever you like, but you run the risk of actually having to talk about your feelings.


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Not in the mood to read this blog post? TOO BAD!!! Haha. 
Wait. Was I just adversarial, angry, and amused all in the same lead? Now I’m inquisitive. Now I’m over-thinking things. Now I’m doubting myself. AHHHH!!!

So, it’s obvious that as human beings we all live with these little emotional states known as moods. What is a mood? Well, there’s some controversy about the definition of a mood, but I think that you can define it by the length of time a person feels an emotion.

In relation to length of time:
Emotion < Mood < State of Being

For example, if a person is chronically depressed, it’s not a mood. It’s a state of being. If a person feels a surge of anger, it’s an emotion, not a mood. 

A mood is an emotional state that can last five minutes (if you happen to be a drama queen) or five days. But normally when I think of moods, they tend to last for about a day.

I know for me I can feel dismal one day, get some sleep, and the next day be downright giddy. But enough about analyzing what a mood is. I do have a point to get to, after all. 

Moods are overrated. 

By that, I mean, that moods need to play far less of a role in society than the do. You shouldn’t be able to use the excuse that you were in a bad mood to justify a negative action towards someone. Likewise, people (even in relationships) shouldn’t be expected to cater to your every mood.

Do I acknowledge that moods exist? Absolutely. But the art of being a great person is to gain control of yourself when you want to be negative. Moods can really hamstring your ability to be productive at whatever you desire to do or, if it is your calling, to be an effective witness for Christ. 

Don’t fake who you are, and it’s perfectly okay to talk it out with the people that care about you. But you’ll find that if you can mostly detach yourself from negative moods, you’ll be a more likable and more effective person.