Five Important Pieces of Breakup Advice

I am not naive. I know that no relationship is the same, and so to answer this question with any kind of direct statements would be nothing but naive. I also know that no relationship is black and white, and each one consists of individual nuances unique to the couple. For the guy and the girl, or any combination of the such, any point you get to past “friendly dating” means there are intense emotional strings that tie the two together. Breaking up is one of the most difficult things to do in life, no matter what kind of emotional disposition the two of you have in the relationship.

A person usually comes to the point of wanting to break up when he/she doesn’t see a real future (up to and including marriage) for the relationship. He may see the girl as “bad for him.” She may see him as “too clingy” or having no real potential to start a family. To be frank, it doesn’t matter who in the relationship feels this way, when those thoughts creep in it can be quite legitimate grounds for a break up.

I don’t presume to be able to write a full-fledged “breakup guide” because, like I said, no two relationships are the same. But I can try to help a little bit. Keep these five things in mind when planning to deliver the bad news.

1. Do not procrastinate.

Do not drag out a relationship because you are looking forward to that Valentine’s Day date or going to see that big concert together (or, you know, prom). Critical relationship events are worth more than that. That kind of thinking will only serve to damage the two of you and it forces you to endure high stress a little bit longer. Sure, breakups cause more immediate pain, but it is far better than long term speculation and stress caused by suspension. 

2. Suspension is an incorrect strategy.

Do not give the person you are with any false hope. Don’t say “maybe sometime in the future” or “I just need some time.” Allow the person to simply move on; time to adjust and try to rebuild his/her life. And try to avoid jealous when seeing them talking to other people. Most importantly, don’t say “I love you” during a breakup to try to console him or her. You don’t, or you won’t forever, and that’s okay.

3. Off and on relationships suck.

 You can’t “ween a person off of you.” On/off relationships are the ultimate form of keeping people in suspense, and I’m pretty sure should be classified as torture. Am I saying you can never ever get back with that person? No. You never really know what will ultimately happen in your life. But don’t count on it. Sometimes, like Summer and Tom from (500) Days of Summer, it’s just not meant to be. Instead, try to let new relationships develop organically. 

4. You may not be able to salvage the friendship.

I’m so sorry. As important as this person was to you, breakups are often the self-destruct button for a friendship, no matter how close you two were before the relationship. This is often an unavoidable consequence of a breakup, and there’s often nothing you can do about it. Breakups come with a price, and this is often it.

5. Avoid Rebound Relationships

Rebound relationships make a lot of people mad. They make your ex mad, you mad, and the person you got with mad. Have you ever heard a happily married person say, “I married a person I was in a rebound relationship with?”
No?
Me neither.

I know it’s tough, but eventually you will move on. Just like with a death or injury, the pain subsides eventually. Time passes, people change, and you eventually find the person you’ll find true happiness with.

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Is There a Correct Way to Break Up?


You’ll want to check out the updated version of this post.


If there is one topic I’ve avoided like the plague since the inception of this blog, it’s relationships. Sure, I talked about them a bit over on Myra’s blog, Toasterphobia, a long time ago, but other than that, barely a peep about relationships has been heard around these parts. This is quite ood considering that I always seem to be the go-to person whenever someone needs to talk about relationships with a non-biased observer.

Well, it’s time we put an end to that. I’ve got several topics I want to talk about coming up. My credibility? I’ve been in a wonderful relationship for almost four years, and I believe strictly in what the Bible says. Also, I happen to be the one writing this blog, and you are not. 🙂

January is statistically the months were the largest number of breakups occur. This is, frankly, logical. Thanksgiving and Christmas are inherently romantic times, filled with family and togetherness and interesting things to do. Not to mention it’s cold and… you know… cuddling.

Anyway, moving on, it’s only appropriate that I pose the following very prominent question.

Is There a Correct Way to Break Up?

I am not naive. I know that no relationship is the same. I also know that no relationship is black and white. For the guy and the girl, at any point you get to past “dating” there are intense emotional strings that tie the two together. Breaking up is one of the most difficult things to do in life no matter what the emotional disposition of the two in the relationship.

A person usually comes to the point of wanting to break up when he/she doesn’t see a real future (up to and including marriage) for the relationship. He may see the girl as “bad for him.” She may see him as “too clingy” or having no real potential to start a family. Anything like that can be quite legitimate grounds for a break up.

So you want to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Okay… I can’t write a full-fledged “breakup guide” because, like I said, no two relationships are the same. But I can help a little bit. Keep these things in mind.

1. Do NOT Procrastinate.

Do not drag out a relationship because you are looking forward to that Valentine’s Day date or going to see that concert together. That kind of thinking will only serve to damage the two of you and it forces you to endure that stress a little bit longer. Sure, it causes more immediate pain, but less long term speculation and stress. But don’t be hasty. Think and pray about it long and hard, first.

2. Suspension is Wrong.

Do not give the person you are with any false hope. Don’t say “Maybe sometime in the future.” Allow the person time to move on; time to adjust and try to rebuild his/her life. Don’t even say “I love you” to try to console him or her. Just… move on the best you can.

3. Off and On Relationships Suck.

Off and on relationships should come with some jail time. You can’t “ween a person off of you.” On/off relationships are the ultimate form of keeping people in suspense. Am I saying you can never ever get back with that person? No. You never really know what God has planned for your life. But please, give it some time.

4. You May Not Be Able to Salvage the Friendship.

As important as this person was to you, breakups are often the self-destruct button for a friendship, no matter how close you two were before the relationship. I’ve only gone through one breakup; a girl I was with for seven months, and friends with for about twice that time. That was over four years ago. I have no idea what she’s doing with her life now. This is often an unavoidable consequence of a breakup, and there’s often nothing you can do about it.

5. Avoid Rebound Relationships

You want a surefire way to tick a lot of people off? Get with a rebound girl/guy. This makes you ex mad, you mad, and the person you got with mad. Have you ever heard any adult say, “Yeah, I married a person I was in a rebound relationship with?” No? I didn’t think so.

I know it’s tough, but eventually you will move on. Just like with a death, the pain subsides eventually. Time passes, people change, and you eventually find the person you find true happiness with.