I Make Long Facebook Statuses

A long time ago in an internet far away, Facebook limited the number of characters you could use in your status. Seriously, if you exceeded the arbitrary and astonishingly short length the company thought was necessary to convey a complete thought, you’d receive a dialog box rather coldly stating that your status was too long.

This was much to my chagrin, but like the baby elephant tied to the stump I was trained to keep my Facebook statuses short and sweet long after they removed the restrictions and allowed posts long enough to overrun all known civilization.

Lately, however, I find the length of my posts to be creeping back up there into the stratosphere. Fifty words. A hundred. I believe I recently published my first 200 word post the other day. And, you know what? I’m perfectly okay with that!

Facebook had long been marred down by mindless link-sharing and endless advertisements, a necessary evil due to the fact that everyone’s on it and we’re all waking around with smartphones growing out of our left wrists. I am but one individual, but perhaps I can do my part in attempting to turn the tide. To make Facebook a place of contemplative philosophy, not trite expressions that do nothing for nobody. A place of individual art and photography, not another dreadful meme affixed to a cutting opinion.

We’re all sick with a virus that we keep on catching, unwilling to sanitize the problem for fear we might lose our high technology as a consequence. But our disease is making us bitter, and making us see the world, or rather a digital symbol of it, as an ugly place.

So I will make long Facebook statuses, even if they don’t get any “likes.” (Though strangely, they often do.) I’m done caring about little red numbers at the top of my screen. My hope is that you are at that point too, because if you are, you can be a part of making things better. Post a long Facebook status. Post something original. Post a video of you doing something cool. Whatever you want to do, just post something different that the link-bait fueled mess bludgeoning us with opinions that the lowest-tier social media has become. People are better than that.


Five Reasons You Should Completely Ignore This Blog Post

You can’t help it! It’s out there. You’ve got your hand on the mouse or your finger on the phone and it sits there with an otherworldly glow. Oh no, it’s a link! Suddenly a combination of morbid curiosity and compassion for people you don’t even know intermingle and before you know it you’ve arrived. You’ve arrived in the promised land of… advertisement filled pages and underwhelming writing. You beat back all of the pop-ups to continue reading until finally there’s that one sentence that arouses your nostalgia or fiery rage enough to click the share button. And that’s the circle of life on the internet. Lies and rumors on the internet prosper, and we’re all victims of it. Continue reading

My Class 1 Pet Peeves

There are twenty things in my life that just annoy the crap out of me. Because I’m super weird, I’ve decided to rank them in much the same way that the American judicial system ranks misdemeanors. This means Class 4 is the least offensive, while Class 1 is unforgivable. Here’s the worst of the worst.

5. Compulsive Lying


It must be hard, weaving a tapestry of lie after lie. I get it, you do it because you need to. You must craft a fictional world because you think it helps people like you more. But just know I’ll never trust a single thing you say.

4. Stupid Pop Music


Hey everyone, let’s turn on the radio to this thought-provoking emotional journey mindless piece of fluff.

3. Sexual Pandering


Let me explain this. It’s when people, especially women, put their bodies on display in order to strategically gain an advantage in society. You truly lose a part of yourself when you do this.

2. Politics


Congratulations, America, the people who run our country is run by a beauty concert. Most of this is our fault, because we never ever research our candidates in detail.

1. Click-bait!


I hope whoever first came up with click-bait and forced me to use this format gets burning coals from Santa every year. Please tell me that we, as a people, are smarter than the knee-jerk reaction of clicking on a misleading title.

That was all twenty of my pet peeves. Put these blog posts together and you have a top twenty list.

Word count: 249

Tuesday: Class 4 Pet Peeves
Wednesday: Class 3 Pet Peeves
Thursday: Class 2 Pet Peeves
Friday: Class 1 Pet Peeves

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