Five Important Pieces of Breakup Advice

I am not naive. I know that no relationship is the same, and so to answer this question with any kind of direct statements would be nothing but naive. I also know that no relationship is black and white, and each one consists of individual nuances unique to the couple. For the guy and the girl, or any combination of the such, any point you get to past “friendly dating” means there are intense emotional strings that tie the two together. Breaking up is one of the most difficult things to do in life, no matter what kind of emotional disposition the two of you have in the relationship.

A person usually comes to the point of wanting to break up when he/she doesn’t see a real future (up to and including marriage) for the relationship. He may see the girl as “bad for him.” She may see him as “too clingy” or having no real potential to start a family. To be frank, it doesn’t matter who in the relationship feels this way, when those thoughts creep in it can be quite legitimate grounds for a break up.

I don’t presume to be able to write a full-fledged “breakup guide” because, like I said, no two relationships are the same. But I can try to help a little bit. Keep these five things in mind when planning to deliver the bad news.

1. Do not procrastinate.

Do not drag out a relationship because you are looking forward to that Valentine’s Day date or going to see that big concert together (or, you know, prom). Critical relationship events are worth more than that. That kind of thinking will only serve to damage the two of you and it forces you to endure high stress a little bit longer. Sure, breakups cause more immediate pain, but it is far better than long term speculation and stress caused by suspension. 

2. Suspension is an incorrect strategy.

Do not give the person you are with any false hope. Don’t say “maybe sometime in the future” or “I just need some time.” Allow the person to simply move on; time to adjust and try to rebuild his/her life. And try to avoid jealous when seeing them talking to other people. Most importantly, don’t say “I love you” during a breakup to try to console him or her. You don’t, or you won’t forever, and that’s okay.

3. Off and on relationships suck.

 You can’t “ween a person off of you.” On/off relationships are the ultimate form of keeping people in suspense, and I’m pretty sure should be classified as torture. Am I saying you can never ever get back with that person? No. You never really know what will ultimately happen in your life. But don’t count on it. Sometimes, like Summer and Tom from (500) Days of Summer, it’s just not meant to be. Instead, try to let new relationships develop organically. 

4. You may not be able to salvage the friendship.

I’m so sorry. As important as this person was to you, breakups are often the self-destruct button for a friendship, no matter how close you two were before the relationship. This is often an unavoidable consequence of a breakup, and there’s often nothing you can do about it. Breakups come with a price, and this is often it.

5. Avoid Rebound Relationships

Rebound relationships make a lot of people mad. They make your ex mad, you mad, and the person you got with mad. Have you ever heard a happily married person say, “I married a person I was in a rebound relationship with?”
No?
Me neither.

I know it’s tough, but eventually you will move on. Just like with a death or injury, the pain subsides eventually. Time passes, people change, and you eventually find the person you’ll find true happiness with.

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Five Signs Your Significant Other is Your Kindred Spirit

When you’ve been in a relationship with someone for over six years, some strange things begin to happen. It’s like your souls become a part of some kind of harmonic convergence, and you two suddenly become each other’s kindred spirits. How do I know? Well, it’s happened to me. Here are some signs that you and your significant other have become kindred spirits. Continue reading

My First Kiss

Again, for you literalists, no Nikki was not the first girl that I kissed. But you’ve got to understand, that hatchet is WAYYYYY buried. So, no you’re not going to get a blog on my literal first kiss. Instead, you’re getting a blog on the first kiss that I claim.

And get that dang 3OH!3 song out of your head! It’s not wholesome at all.

Also, this post is still in honor of my five year dating anniversary with Nikki. It was just too long to put in the last post.

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Okay, so this was us way way way back in the day, when I was 17 and she was 15. Yep, I took Nikki (who was in 8th grade) to my junior prom back in the infancy – no, the conception – of our relationship. And it was brilliant, as we would go on to start dating a few days later.

Before prom we ate at the late Ox Yoke Steakhouse in Wetumpka.

Funny story about that, actually. Nikki was not used to being all dressed up, wearing heels, and having such a big poofy dress. While walking out of the restaurant, she knocked over some poor old man’s cane. This caused a loud clash, silencing the whole room. Everybody looked at us. Shame on you, Nikki.

Anyway, during that time we talked as friends, but we had more chemistry than any couple in my class ever had. At prom we, quite awkwardly, tried to dance. However, we spent most of time talking and looking into each other’s lovely eyes.

Okay, so I know this is ridiculously sugary, so here’s a picture of two fighting bears to break the tension.

fightingbears

Anyway, so some of you might know all of that. What you don’t know is what happened after prom. #notwhatyouthink

Our “friendly conversation” was culminating as we enjoyed M&M McFlurries in the McDonald’s parking lot after we left the civic center. I drove her home…

And, there in the driveway of her house, we looked at one another for the first time with genuine romantic affection. Our eyes met and we knew we were going to kiss.

And we did.

And it was awesome.

But also awkward.

And yet still, I think very fondly of that night and that kiss. It was the icebreaker. It was the threshold from being friends to being much more than that. And now, we share a relationship so close nobody can break it.

So, that’s the story of my first kiss.

Special Five Year Anniversary Post

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Today is April 15. Most of the world knows it as Tax Day, bane of procrastinators and independent contractors everywhere. I, however, know it as my dating anniversary with my wonderful girlfriend, Nikki.

Let me tell you a little about what we did for our anniversary.

We got married.

Nah, just kidding. You see, while Cupid, the Greek god of affection, may have it in for us, Hymenaeus, the Greek God of marriage, seems to have other plans.

And no you literalists, I don’t actually believe in the ancient Greek gods. I was just using them as entertaining examples. I believe in the one true God. Moving on.

No, we didn’t get married. We did, however, go to Atlanta.

Oh, did you know that Atalanta was the Greek goddess of running? Sorry, I got off on a bit of a tangent there.

I wish Nikki and I could have done much more for 5 years, but being the starving college student that I am, funds are at a premium.

We helped the Braves win 6 to 3, by the way. We both had a great time.

So I suppose you want to know about gifts. Well, this was mine:

603620_770924356253952_3477130855683763702_nI wrapped it in dates from my Books-A-Million calender club calender because, isn’t it obvious, it was our date. Inside was a video game she’d been wanting forever. I also got her some Braves swag: a Braves tank top and cap. See the picture above.

And what did she get me? Well, she went all out…

d.19360502She got me this mizpah necklace. We both now wear one half every day.

In short, mizpah means watchtower. The necklaces symbolizes God (the real one) watching over us while Nikki and I are separated. God put us in each others lives to honor him, and these necklaces are a symbol of our mission to do just that.

I don’t know where I’ll be in five years. But one thing I do know is that, barring catastrophe beyond my control, Nikki will be in it. 

The Ultimate Guide to Pet Names

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It’s not easy, but it’s necessary.

Pet names, or terms of endearment, seem to be an essential part of a relationship between a couple. While they may seem annoying, it’s almost as if pet names provide an extra layer of security in a relationship. While they may seem uncomfortable, you’ve gotta use them. And if you’ve gotta use them, you might as well use them well. It’s taken me 4 and a half years, but I think I’ve gotten pretty good at it. Here are some tips and helpful advice for those who are amateurs in the field of terms of endearment.

It’s got to SEEM natural.

Pet names are never natural, even if you’ve been married for many years, but don’t tell your significant other that. Vary both the words and the pitch of your voice in order to deliver the winning lines effectively. You want to sound like you’re talking to your Baby like a baby.

…but not too much like a baby. That’d just be condescending.

The more unnatural sounding the phrase, the better.

In seemingly direct contrast to my last point, for some reason or another couples like to call each other really awkward things. It helps create a unique identity for the relationship. You almost MUST refer to food on a constant basis, from Cutie-Pie to Baby-Cakes.

Oh, and seriously don’t take too long to mentally envision the idea of a “baby-cake.”

I’ve also heard couples call each other things that refer to fat or things that make you that way. Things like “Chunky Monkey” and “Cupcake.”

Select your words with precision.

I always follow this simple rule of thumb. Never use a pet name that deviates two syllables or more from your previous word. For example, you never want follow the word “you” with “Cuddly-Wubbly.” Short words produce short pet names, and long words set up for effective long names.

Capitalization.

This one is tough. When using pet names in texts or letters, do you capitalize the first letter or not? After all, you are substituting their name for this piece of affectionate fluff. Wouldn’t it make since to capitalize out of respect for the relationship. In the other hand, it looks really really awkward. I mean, of the following, which really looks better?

“I love you, Sweetie.”
“I love you, sweetie.”

This is worth contemplating. I suppose you could circumvent the problem by using all capitol letters, but I mean really…

“I LOVE YOU BABY!!!” makes you sound like an overexuberant freak.

I don’t know what to tell you, but I use capitol letters for every pet name. But that’s my inner grammar nerd talking. .

Hyphens?

Yes, please use hyphens. Also, for the love of attractive letters, capitalize every word of the hyphenated compound. Kissy-Face looks WAY better than Kissy-face, kissy-Face, or kissy-face.

People love to be reminded of their eye color.

Brown-Eyes, Blue-Eyes, Green-Eyes. I mean, how can you get more affectionate than that?

You must have at least one made up name.

By the order of the gods of inside jokes, you must have that one special term of endearment for that one special someone. Calling your respective lover that is like wrapping a warm, protective blanket around them in the middle of winter. So unleash your inner desire to call your girlfriend Fruity Loop or your boyfriend Goober-Butt.

But what do I know. I suck at pet names. That’s why I wrote this blog post about it.

Is There a Correct Way to Break Up?


You’ll want to check out the updated version of this post.


If there is one topic I’ve avoided like the plague since the inception of this blog, it’s relationships. Sure, I talked about them a bit over on Myra’s blog, Toasterphobia, a long time ago, but other than that, barely a peep about relationships has been heard around these parts. This is quite ood considering that I always seem to be the go-to person whenever someone needs to talk about relationships with a non-biased observer.

Well, it’s time we put an end to that. I’ve got several topics I want to talk about coming up. My credibility? I’ve been in a wonderful relationship for almost four years, and I believe strictly in what the Bible says. Also, I happen to be the one writing this blog, and you are not. 🙂

January is statistically the months were the largest number of breakups occur. This is, frankly, logical. Thanksgiving and Christmas are inherently romantic times, filled with family and togetherness and interesting things to do. Not to mention it’s cold and… you know… cuddling.

Anyway, moving on, it’s only appropriate that I pose the following very prominent question.

Is There a Correct Way to Break Up?

I am not naive. I know that no relationship is the same. I also know that no relationship is black and white. For the guy and the girl, at any point you get to past “dating” there are intense emotional strings that tie the two together. Breaking up is one of the most difficult things to do in life no matter what the emotional disposition of the two in the relationship.

A person usually comes to the point of wanting to break up when he/she doesn’t see a real future (up to and including marriage) for the relationship. He may see the girl as “bad for him.” She may see him as “too clingy” or having no real potential to start a family. Anything like that can be quite legitimate grounds for a break up.

So you want to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Okay… I can’t write a full-fledged “breakup guide” because, like I said, no two relationships are the same. But I can help a little bit. Keep these things in mind.

1. Do NOT Procrastinate.

Do not drag out a relationship because you are looking forward to that Valentine’s Day date or going to see that concert together. That kind of thinking will only serve to damage the two of you and it forces you to endure that stress a little bit longer. Sure, it causes more immediate pain, but less long term speculation and stress. But don’t be hasty. Think and pray about it long and hard, first.

2. Suspension is Wrong.

Do not give the person you are with any false hope. Don’t say “Maybe sometime in the future.” Allow the person time to move on; time to adjust and try to rebuild his/her life. Don’t even say “I love you” to try to console him or her. Just… move on the best you can.

3. Off and On Relationships Suck.

Off and on relationships should come with some jail time. You can’t “ween a person off of you.” On/off relationships are the ultimate form of keeping people in suspense. Am I saying you can never ever get back with that person? No. You never really know what God has planned for your life. But please, give it some time.

4. You May Not Be Able to Salvage the Friendship.

As important as this person was to you, breakups are often the self-destruct button for a friendship, no matter how close you two were before the relationship. I’ve only gone through one breakup; a girl I was with for seven months, and friends with for about twice that time. That was over four years ago. I have no idea what she’s doing with her life now. This is often an unavoidable consequence of a breakup, and there’s often nothing you can do about it.

5. Avoid Rebound Relationships

You want a surefire way to tick a lot of people off? Get with a rebound girl/guy. This makes you ex mad, you mad, and the person you got with mad. Have you ever heard any adult say, “Yeah, I married a person I was in a rebound relationship with?” No? I didn’t think so.

I know it’s tough, but eventually you will move on. Just like with a death, the pain subsides eventually. Time passes, people change, and you eventually find the person you find true happiness with.