Facial Hair

Manliness is something of a flash in the pan when it comes to aesthetics. It’s such a fragile balance between looking handsome and looking homeless. The supposed goal line of genuine manliness is different for each person, making it difficult to understand and even more difficult to enunciate. That said, it sure seems that the paragon of manliness is a full-face beard. 

For months now, I’ve been trying doggedly to grow a beard. Like, if you’ve seen me at college you’ve no doubt noticed I’ve been rocking the sideburns and chin hair. Basically, I’ve set my beard (or lack thereof) free to grow however it wants. My problem? I don’t know what it wants.

On one hand, my sideburns and mustache grow at a rate where they need their own personal stylist within a week. But on the other hand, there’s about two centimeters of space where I cannot succeed in getting a single hair to surface. This makes me look like a creepy guy from a campy 80’s movie. Also, I look like a person who doesn’t own a razor. After a bit of asking around, I’ve discovered it’s a family curse. My dad can grow facial hair anywhere but those spots, too.

So, I’m sorry to anybody who thinks that I, a 22 year old COMM major, needs to sport a face full of hair, but I give up. There’s nothing I can do. After much deliberation, I’ve decided facial hair is not for me. 

Even if I am a little envious of the mountain men of the world, I’ve never really been a huge fan of facial hair in the first place. Only lately have I been open to the idea of growing a beard. But I can’t, so I’m not going to fret. 

…speaking of fretting, have you noticed the inordinate number of musicians with facial hair complexities? I certainly have.

I admit, I have some trouble grasping why a full face of hair is a hit with the ladies. I sure hope one of you makes liberal use the comments section and explains this whole beard affection thing to me.

But as a guy, well, I don’t like what limited experience I’ve had with them. They sure are itchy, and they don’t feel comfortable. I’ve gotten used to glasses becoming part of my identity, but I don’t think I could ever get used to a beard.

Also there’s this thing where my mom always tells me to shave before I meet somebody important. Weird.

[Thanks to Cody Wingard, who himself rocks quite the beard, for the suggestion.]


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