What If America Had A Royal Family?

It seems silly, doesn’t it? To try to think about America, a land of freedom and democracy, having a royal family in the vein of a monarchical government designed half a millennium ago. But if you think about it, this was a possibility for America as it formed and developed. 

If we hadn’t revolted from the British government, America would be a state of theirs. That means we’d be a part of their government. But let’s say that we eventually won/bought our independence. Well, chances are we wouldn’t have invented democracy and would have adopted the monarchy that Britain had. So it could have happened. So what if it had?

Here’s the thing about England now. They have a democracy too. And when they adopted one, well, it rendered the royal family’s power useless. Basically: 

no power here

That makes the royalty in Great Britain nothing more than designated celebrities. But hey, celebrities may not have direct governmental power but they sure do have a lot of social power. Case and point, I can think of one celebrity here in America that is reshaping the way society sees homosexuality right now, and not necessarily for the better (hint: his name rhymes with Smacklemore).

So assuming democracy would have been invented by now, and assuming America would have adopted it, that would mean we’d be equipped with designated celebrities as well. And it would be most irritating. 

I mean, could you image speculating with your coworkers about the gender of the royal baby. Could you imagine getting together with your neighbors and huddling around the TV, just waiting for the oldest daughter to trip coming out of her limo. And then everyone would laugh their heads off at her expense. 

But the thing is, everyone would bend to the ideas of royalty. The opinions of royalty would trump the opinions of the minority. People in America love to be told what to think. 

Then again, it’d be cool to be king. King A Link to the Matt. While in office I’d get fat. Why? Well, because it’s not like I could do anything else, because I would have no power. I guess I could write a book. But it’d have to be about American royalty or something, because there’s no way they’d let me write my tragic young adult fiction novel I’m about try to get published. Nope, I’d probably just get fat.

I think I’m happy with our no-nonsense government as it is now. It’d be even better, however, if they’d go back to running the government like they’re supposed to. But that’s another blog.

[Thanks Kimberly Waites for the suggestion!]




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